got a balloon i got a balloon i got a balloo-oon!

so today was the day of mass flyering on the streets of clerkenwell (lunchtime) and shoreditch (evening). i shall be interested to see if we claim any new readers as a result of my shenanigans.

i unleashed myself (in the mould of Patsy-Whee) wielding balloons and coloured pens and tried what turned out to be a highly effective flyering tactic. not that i have undertaken such a task myself before, but of course we have all been accosted by flyer-ers.

being dressed as a child is one advantage – people think you are to be helped, you’re innocent and kind, and take pleasure in the joyfulness one exudes.

being dressed as a slightly scary one is even more effective (pencilled on lashes a little a la alex, clockwork orange) – people don’t want to cross you either.

bright yellow-orange-pink balloons and a similar outfit of course catch peoples’ eyes, so you can engage in affection-inducing from quite some distance away. so by the time they reach you/ you reach them, it’s almost like you have built up a relationship and they can’t turn you down.

now, the best part was the phrase “one for you!”. it fits perfectly with the child (like doling out sweets as a child: one for you, one for you, one for you…) and also makes people think that they are winning something i think.

so from the lunchtime clerkenwell rush to the nightime shoreditch buzz and a whole new crowd to play. one guy in the courtyard of 93 feet east, lowering, grabby:

“how old are you?”

“5 1/2”

“yeah? i’m 6 1/2. you wanna play with me?”

at moments i would be made to feel so vulnerable, afraid – at others like i was at one with all the world.

on my way to the not night at queen of hoxton i passed a pub with a group sitting outside.

“one for you! one for you!”

“oh thank you sweetheart!”

and a round of applause as i moved away. i grab the moment:

“do you want me to do my trick?”

“yeah, go ahead!”

i ask to borrow water on the table and take a slurp.

“are you going to spray it in our faces?”

mischief lights my eyes but i move away and tip my head back, and gargle Singin’ in the Rain. they laugh, cheer, and i go on my way. happy. at home.

leaving the queen of hoxton after dancing like a loon (highly influenced by the mashed up rhythms of a friend’s four year old) and befriending-ish almost everyone in the bar i was just walking away from the group by the door. a woman says to a friend:

“is she going to be all right getting home on her own?”

and then to me:

“sweetheart, will you be okay?”

at this point i feel i need to reassure them that i am actually an adult, going about my business, and that there is nothing to be afraid of on my behalf.

“i’m fine. i’m in character, but i’m in control as well. thank you though. thank you for your concern”

on the way to the bus i managed to claim a big yellow smiley-faced balloon (having left my bumptious bundle of them behind at the bar) from a lovely lady on the street. i had tied it to my wrist while carrying my bag on my shoulders so that when i got on the bus and tried to take my bag off the balloon made it impossible to take it off completely. so i tried climbing through the straps of the bag. for a while. by this point half of the bus were engaged. and then came the singing.

“got a balloon i got a balloon i got a balloo-oon!” by the time i had to get off i had finally made contact with one guy who had been looking low, lost and sad since he got on the bus, and who had not engaged with me at all. while there was a person standing between us i caught his eye and, smiling, mouthed “i got a balloon!”. he smiled back and i approached him.

“do you want my balloon”

“no. i don’t want your balloon.”

“but you look sad and the balloon is smiley and it will make you happy”

“i don’t like your balloon. (he has started to smile) your balloon’s annoying”

(my sad face descends)

“see look now you’re sad and you need the balloon”

“yeah. i need the balloon. you’re sure you don’t want the balloon?”

“yeah. you keep the balloon”

“ok. bye then”

“bye”

and as i walked off up the road a woman was leaning close to the window, waving solemly.

the streets became quiet again and i was alone, but happy inside for my day of interactions and fun. i wonder why we do shut ourselves away? and why when someone doesn’t people actually suspect you of being certifiable?

there must be more fun!

speaking of which, saturday night, this:

The Midnight Run

good night. sleep tight

xXx

we’re officially cool :)

http://lecool.com/cities/london/newsletters/current.html#event12264

and then and then

and then there was a break in which a lady doll came and threatened people slowly to music. this freaked people out an appropriate amount especially as the guests had all been required to send us their very own childmares in either image or word form (some were more obedient than others) and this was one of them being enacted. most childmare submissions had come to us only that day or the day before so we had but a sliver of time to bring them to life. this was just the nod necessary. we have made the commitment to do this again on Friday so keep your eyes peeled if you brought us one.

mr ellams then returned with a fine rendition of his magnificent piece Knight Watch. he’ll be performing it again on Friday so i shall say no more here, except that it must be seen.

finally i was heckled by passersby three stories down while singing love for sale to a bright full moon only lightly shrowded in cloud “yaaay, sing some more!” so i turned to them and belted a couple of lines their way. this must have been my favourite moment of the evening as it highlighted the newness, the strangeness of this thing we were doing, and brought the streets in to us.

the excitement for me in taking this forward is in making an entirely unique experience for people each and every show that we do. the venues will change, the themes will change, the format will change – it may not even be performance but could be an undercover laser fight on Hampstead Heath. these are the Secret Soirees that we want to bring to you – requests will be accepted and thoroughly examined and perhaps also executed depending on their potential – let us know what you dream of doing in London for the night and we shall see if we can make it happen.

cookies and a goodnight kiss,

r/i/p

xXx

Liberdad, Patsy Cole, Inua Ellams, Chrisalys

(leaving you with a sneak preview of the acts who will be performing in Patsy’sChildMare@THEWHATWORKS this Friday night. )

And Then There Was Fun

So, having set the scene (I may have forgotten about the wall of dolly faces covering the bathroom walls, the strategically placed potty, the Beano comics and the red water bath floating candles and rubber ducks) I shall introduce you to the characters at play.

patsy-whee

Patsy-Whee was running riot, wheedling the guests into playing games with her, and teasing the poor Nerd. The Nerd (all high-top pants and patched up glasses) was hiding behind his copy of The Twits and telling tales to Matron.

through the eyes of the nerd

Matron was running tricks in her tight black get up, red nails and hat. Guests soon came to understand this to be some kind of children’s home where the kids weren’t always treated with the utmost kindness.

the matron - control

After some time a story was told to the children “gather round…. They fuck you up your Mum and Dad” to which Patsy-Whee responded by singing I Wanna Be Evil, all the while tormenting the poor Nerd to within an inch of his life. Singing in such a small space (there were 25 attendees, a perfect number as it turned out) was a joy, unmiked, really being able to sing to each and every person.

i wanna be evil

The Nerd then rocked it with his poem, The Way of the Nerd, telling of the dreams and tribulations of Nigeria’s first cowboy. Spying from a bedroom the look of charmed affection on the faces of the audience pulsed me a warm glow and it felt Very Right to be here and now. There’s certainly something more special about performing to people in  home, I guess it felt for them more of a treat, more like it was jut for them.

the way of the nerd

Patsy-Whee stormed back on the scene, chasing the Nerd away and enacting for the audience her very first sexual fantasy. Now this was a tricky one to play but somehow it seemed to have been pitched just right, the audience enticed and shocked in equal measure. The transition was made far smoother by Shane Solanki’s reading a portion of the book “Childhood and Adolescence” reassuring that masturbation is in fact entirely natural and if supressed during childhood could lead to “true perversion”. Thank goodness for that, then.

solanki and sons - child psychologists

to be continued…..

new webpage up

ladies and gentlemen,

it is with great pleasure we announce the presence of a sexy new page with updates of all things cabarettish. check us out on www.myspace.com/thewhatworks to catch up with what’s going on. here’s a little to whet your appetites:

coming up on the 15th may is Patsy’sChildMare@THEWHATWORKS, a deep dark delving into the toy box of discarded dolls that raised and crazed Patsy when she was only whee.

Chrisalys (http://www.chrisalys-circus.com/) returns with his human pain extravaganza, this time in the guise of Pierrot the clown.

Chrisalys Human Pain Doll

Inua Ellams (http://www.phaze05.com/) will take us tripping down childhood streets with magical realism and tales of early nerd-hood.

Inua the Bandit

Liberdad, the hanging clown from MusicalMoments@THEWHATWORKS will be showcasing a reworking of his heart-stopping epic

Liberdad

and of course there’ll be a little Patsying around. this time she’s turning through the song books of the great ladies of jazz, accompanied by her very wonderful G-String

Patsy's G-String

there will be a sneak preview showcasing elements of this show at a secret location in Stoke Newington on Friday 8th May, only a very few spaces available so contact us here for the chance to come.

in the meantime, snuggle up tight and enjoy your childmares…

champagne kisses,

Patsy and crew

xXx

Patsy'sChildMare

where the hell you been?

time, my dearies, has escaped me. and what reason can there be for remaining hushed for so long?

ScumBagBillionaires has come and gone – our own little storm in a chai cup. we raised, in the end, over £500 for DIKSHA, thanks to the generosity of all involved – the magnificent munificent CosmoBar, as ever; the acts who contributed their payments; and our inimitable guests who bid handsomely on all of our fabulous prizes: tailor-made poetry from Shane Solanki, the Last Mango man; tickets to Anil Desai’s blinding show; a dance course in Bhangraton (oh yes it’s true) from Element Dance; and a night on the town with THEWHATWORKS’ unhinged diva hostess, Patsy Cole. this last is yet to come, and rest assured we shall be teasing dear Pats into telling y’all all about it.

photo by Clara Slater

and now we are mixing up more mayhem with Patsy’sChildMare in May – there will be a Human Pain Drag Doll, a Toilet-Dangling Clown, Burlesque from the Grotesque side of town, Patsy, dear Patsy, telling tales of her precocious sexual proclivities, a word-weaving Fairy Godmother, and much more magic besides.

design is being taken care of by a hotly coming film-maker (for the first time we will not have to rely upon the extravagant arrangement of heaps of Patsy’s old knickers), who is obsessed with gruesome broken dolls. of course there will be the live mixing of tunes and visuals as ever, and, as you have come to expect of us, some strange surprise. 8pm. CosmoBar. Friday 15th May.

you’d be twisted to miss it. you’ll be twisted if you’re there.

meantime other advertures are afoot. read more in the next post. this is a whole nother venture….. or, more correctly, a whole nother two.

warmest wishes and champagne kisses – more of them than ever.

Patsy’s Bestest Friends

xXx

onwards!

And so planning has begun for next month’s show, an all-Indian show (apart from Patsy of course, but she may surprise with certain desi talents – prepare to be amazed!) with Desi designs and Bollywood beats.

Tonight we are meeting with two of the talented performers – Shane Solanki of Last Mango in Paris and Shama Rahman of virtuoso sitar-and-rhyme skills. We have sent out the feelers in a few other very exciting directions, so keep watching for clues as to who we will be presenting.

Any desi performers out there, please get in touch – we are longing to hear from you! Meanwhile we leave you with this:

to get you in the moooood 😉

champagne kisses,

THEWHATWORKS team xXx

BrasilBrasileiro – the show that growed us up

This turned out to be the stormingest show THEWHATWORKS has ever seen, confirming that we are now properly growed up and kicking into 2009 in big bad style.

Thanks go to all our spectacular acts – Element Dance, Jackson Pinto, Cordo de Ouro London, Lewis Campbell, VJ Scott Radnor, DJ Pedro Pinto and of course the freshly debut-ed virgin house band. But most of all thanks to you all for coming along and throwing yourselves into THEWHATWORKS spirit with such abandon.

The Samba singalong had the crowd swinging as never before – we were truly impressed at the number of people keeping up to speed with the rattling Portuguese lyrics! This is something we must try again. Perhaps in English another time 😉

Another big thank you to Gary, the cachaca-man, who managed to serve the crowd all the caipirinhas they could get through – one handed!

Although it was great to see so many of you there, we have realised that our little sound system is just not capable of coping with such a crowd, so CosmoBar have gallantly promised to fix it up before the next show. So thank you for bearing with us and keeping the spirit strong – here’s to the next time, new, improved and better than ever before – watch this space for news.

Warm wishes and the last of the caipirinha kisses to you all,

THEWHATWORKS team xXx

more jam!

Patsy took an excursion to figure out some tunes for Friday’s BrasilBrasileiro@THEWHATWORKS with a new musician today – the second time in less than a week that she has had liasons with strange men, in their very homes would you credit it, to make sweet sweet music. Ah yes, and truly, this is the life 😉

We have songs from Gal Costa, Nazare Pereira, Virginia Rodrigues, Clara Nunes, Elis Regina and many other lovelies. Patsy admits to feeling rather intimidated about performing such iconic songs to a rather knowing crowd and with inimitable musicians, but is simultaneously thrilled to have such an opportunity. And is looking at ways to take such collaborations forward. It seems that Czech Klezmer may be next on the list. Only sung in French. Hmmmm…..

Tomorrow there will be rehearsals with the truly magnificent Alexander Zekke, virtuoso cellist and composer, with Cordao de Ouro’s finest – and on Wednesday with Sam Alexander, one of London’s most respected British Brasilian percussionists. Eeks yikes and yippee!

And so until the next time dear WHATWORKERS, boa noite, bons sonhos e ate ja!

Patsy and THEWHATWORKS team xXx

bookings, plays and frocks

So, things are moving on apace for Friday’s show, with the most exciting booking we have made yet:

http://www.myspace.com/pbdt is the home of Jackson Pinto, director of Pure Brasil Dance Theatre, expert in Afro-Brasilian dance styles and sometime star of the West End production of the Lion King. He will be performing a solo for us to top off the first half of the show. We are very excited. Oh yes. YES! OH, YES!!!

Apart from that Patsy will be making a departure in musical terms. Not just because she will be singing all-Brasilian songs, many of them for the first time, but also because she will do so with the ccompaniment of a cello, a piano, a guitar, a percussionist and possibly also a few berimbaus. Rehearsals are coming along, there will be pieces that we have never all practised together, so expect some slick numbers and a big bunch of lovely warm Brasilian jam!

Yesterday we went down to the LSS (http://www.londonschoolofsamba.co.uk/public/default.asp) for a clear-out of their costume cupboard and plundered their shelves for a good deal of sparkly fabric. Now we are getting our needles out, so expect yellow blue and green galore and a sparkly frock to die for!

Rumours abound that there will also be Brasilian beer-bar type plastic yellow chairs, so you may actually find yourselves momentarily confused as to what part of the world you are in. And most importantly we have a surprise cachaca sponsor so we will be doling out cut-price Caipirinhas until you have drunk us dry – that’s the way to do it! Uhuh 🙂

B-e-l-e-z-a!!!